I wished

Now I’m running away from you. Funny how things change so quickly.

I’m sorry I wished this upon you. I would lay awake at night; my heart pounding, my fists clenched so tight they hurt, my mind racing. I would lay there for hours praying that something would go wrong. I prayed for this exactly. I held my breath. I passed out. I went into a coma. I had to crawl out of the deepest parts of me in order to even open my eyes again. Now that I am awake, I am sorry.

I always say how I wish I was focusing on more beautiful things. I really do wish this. I do.

Now I look behind me and see the mess you made; the vortex that is spinning out of control and sucking in others against their every will. I see this and a cruel glare of guilt blinds me. This is my fault I whisper. But when I look at the cliff I’ve had to climb to get away from you, I realize this was not my fault. You did this to yourself. Thank God I am not down there.

What happens now? You live your life. And I choose to live mine. I hope that we can still be friends, that have been my hope since the day we first said hello. But I will be damned before I let you hurt me again. I’ve learned my lesson. You won’t pull me down ever again.