Lonely?

It hit me today as I was trying to piece together all my belongings into a room. It hit me as I wandered through the halls of the partially filled home. It hit me as I looked in the empty pantry trying to figure out what I could make with some spaghetti and biscotti. IT…it hit me.

It…that I am alone.
It…that I am on my own.
It…that I alone make my choices now.
It…that I alone lead my life.

It’s a scary thought to me, being alone. What if I make the wrong decision and no one is there to help me? What if I mess up my life that there is no fixing it? What if I decide that I don’t like my life anymore? I have been feeling rather lonely lately. And maybe this is because I no longer have an association with the place that I grew up. Or maybe it’s because my heart aches for love to be reciprocated. Or maybe it’s simply because it is cloudy outside today. Whatever the case, I’m feeling very small.

And it’s at times like these where I wonder what I would do without the people I do have in my life. What would I lose if I lost them? And I wonder about the people I have failed to meet. Would my life be different if I had been brave enough to say hello to that person passing by? Would I be a different person by someone else’s influence?

I appreciate those I know so much more than they can imagine. I don’t know a lot of people and I am close to an even smaller amount of those people, but they have all changed my life for the better. Every day someone gives me a reason to smile and I feel less alone. Because of their joy I don’t feel like this is a huge world anymore.

So this is my thanks to those who have allowed me to be in their lives and to witness the beauty of their hearts. For all my good friends, your heart is beautiful and it is the sole reason to why I am not truly alone.