Two

The glass shattered on the sidewalk,

The contents exploding forth in a frothy protest.

And then it all settles.

The loud crack rests on your ears,

And the liquid begins to calm.

You felt this sudden urge,

At the mere sight of me,

To throw the most expensive thing you own

On the ground.

Maybe you didn’t do it in reality,

But I saw this image of you

Heaving the bottle over your head,

Pulsing your body with all your might,

Pushing all the rage you feel directly into the shattered pieces.

And your heart was racing at the moment,

When glass touched the concrete and broke.

It wasn’t the glass’s fault.

It was your own. 

Stay at Home Dad

You called me eight times today.

I’m not picking up because I am “asserting my opinion”

Can’t you see that I don’t want to talk to someone who

Is a walking double standard?

I’m in a dilemma,

What I am holds me back.

Tell us all that it doesn’t matter anymore,

But we are smarter than that.

Things have not changed.

I will still get paid less than you,

I still cannot lift heavy machinery,

I still cannot shoot a gun.

I still cannot fight for a country I love.

You have asked many times what I mean by double standard,

And I have asserted many times,

This idea that you want me to speak my mind,

And yet,

You feed me a script is somewhat contradictory.

Are you too prideful to admit your fear of me?

Are you too afraid to let go?

Mass Produced Jesus

Do this in remembrance if me,

Cupped in your hand,

A small pressed disc,

The flavor of cardboard,

The look of plastic,

It melts away into your blood,

A symbolic saving grace.

Buy this for $9.99 at the local

Christian super-market,

Pre-blessed and holy.

The drier the wine the more it was prayed over,

The colder the water, the holier it is.

Bottle it up, ship it out, save them souls.

I have always wanted to buy clergy clothing,

Just to be able to wear it wherever I want.

Picture that,

Walking down the street,

With those silly hats and cloaks draped over me.

Just going to school like normal.

I can get those too, on soulsaver.com

For $50 each. 

Twenty Four

Chains I carry.

Limits you defined.

Every day I lift them for you.

I cannot forget.

This system you made.

From when my eyes break open.

‘Til when they slam shut.

I am a slave to you.

Dear God,

Only you could know.

The voice leaks into my room every night,

When everyone else is asleep, it comes.

It is sticky and dirty,

Covers my body in a thick cocoon.

I cannot move, part of me doesn’t want to.

Its slimy hands spread my legs

And that voice, that voice, consumes my mind.

The words fall like syrup on me,

Sweet nothings like:

you are a failure

you accomplish nothing

you deserve the worst

you are a hypocrite.

A charmer with its words indeed. 

And when I finally close my eyes,

I feel the water begin to cleanse me.  

Amen.

All I whimper when it leaves

Having used me to its fill.

Amen. 

Shouldn't

I shouldn’t care but I do. I shouldn’t, but I do. I do.

Can’t help but feel ugly when you look past me like a window,

Can’t help but feel tired when you drain me,

Can’t help but feel like a failure when I can’t get away from you,

Can’t help but feel cheated at the very thought of you.

I shouldn’t say I regret meeting you, but I think I do.

I shouldn’t say I hate you, but I’m beginning to think I do.

How scary is that…

I can't wait

Today I put a secret in a box. I put two actually. There they sit in the darkness, waiting to turn into something beautiful. Surprise, they were about you. I can’t wait until I’m not in love with you. I can’t wait until I no longer fear you. I can’t wait until…

And as my life floats by me, spending days and hours waiting for you, a feeling of searing regret consumes me. I wasted so much time on you. YOU.  It’s pathetic really. How much I have given up for you, how much I obsess over you, how much I idolize you.

I can’t wait for the day I no longer need you.

I am the size of an ant. I can be squashed beneath your shoe, and just like that, I’m forgotten.