Concrete

If all my love
could be captured in a mason jar
and displayed on a windowsill,
you would realize that it's
glowing and pulsing
fading in and out.
Like a heartbeat.

It's not that I claimed you as mine,
it's that I wish I had the guts to.
A whisper no one else could say,
a dream no one else could think,
a song that no one else knows.
Someone that only I could have.

And I just wait here day after day,
writing poems I pretend to be deep,
when all they scream is that
I just wish someone would claim me like that too.

Maybe it would be like hot breath
pushing on the back of your neck,
or it could be the greatest hug
you've ever felt wrap around you.

You are so cool,
full of something I just can't get,
and good at whatever you do.
I wish I knew what it meant to be something.
And every time you win a battle,
it's like glass in my heart.
Especially because I feel like vapor
and you are like concrete.
I just can't break you,
but you can stop me at everything.

I'm not creative,
I only write poems to try to be like another
person who is solid,
I only play music to be like another wall,
I only cook fancy food to be like another,
concrete.

And everyday I feel like my eyes
are being opened,
and even if that's supposed to be
a good thing it's still numbing to realize
you've been blind all this time,
And like a slap on the face
you see reality in it's blinding glory.
Instantly smaller,
the light overwhelms you.
I hate finding out I was wrong.
When you only want to be right
the first time.
Starting over is just another mile back
mile marker 62.

So there you go,
finally an explicit line never written before:

I want you to be mine.

And I want you to stop talking to him.

And I want you to be cooler than you are.

The case

She may be invisible to your eyes
but to mine, I see her
and how she loathes her body like a curse
and prays every night to shed all
that fat that prevents her from wearing
a pair of skinny jeans.

Moon scar

I will carry with me always,
that crescent shaped cut on my foot
and I will remember what it felt like
to feel lighter than dust
and float through the air.
When it turns into a scar
I will kiss it goodnight
like a scene from a bad movie.
And I will see your face when I close my eyes,
and my heart will shake
and my skin will prickle
as I feel a finger move up and down my spine.
And I can't help myself when I let a smile slip out
or a laugh burst from my rusty lungs
when you strut across my mind
like you own the joint.
Every thought of you is a souvenir
I package up and ship home to
be there
when I get back from a long day.

Today

Today I've done the most liberating thing I have ever done,
I called you,
Heard your voice,
You sounded tired and frustrated,
Just like me.
But I called you anyway and told you,
That I don't think we should talk anymore.

The silence that grew from this created a chasm,
larger than the Grand Canyon.
What took centuries to create, we did it
in a matter of seconds.

Then you acted like the phone was breaking up
and disappeared.
I could have called you back,
and you could have called me back.
But I think we both made a decision
and seared it to our hearts to remember this by.

The last thing I will ever hear from you is
a plea.
And I swear to God,
that will always be the last thing.

Now

Don't count your love in numbers,
because that is only cause for hurt.

Don't hoard away your feelings,
regret eats flesh from the inside out.

Don't stifle your laughs,
let them burst forth to paint the world beautiful colors.

Don't hate yourself for mistakes,
perfection never looked good on you.

Don't hold back,
just let life go on.

A fleeting hope

Squares will play tricks on you,
You'll be looking at them one moment and they have all 4 sides,
and then you'll be looking at them the next moment and all the sudden,
they are circles.

And you can't seem to find the strength to step
over that threshold.
Your knees are shaking and if you think about it too long
you realize that you have made the dumbest decision in your life.

It's easy enough to feel hopeful,
when it's a far off dream,
and all the hours and minutes spent dreaming about it,
are safe.
But when it becomes a reality,
forming into flesh before your very eyes,
all the sudden fear grips you,
and the dreams melt away into an odd uncertainty you never knew before.

And they'll say it will be worth it,
but do they know what it feels like
to be lost for a year
and never know if you'll be found?

Hard Candy

These hard candies shouldn't be chewy but they are
I shouldn't be acting this way but I am.