Want

I want so much to inspire someone
To love someone.

Buddha streaming across your face,
Do you have any idea what you have changed?

Compiled one on top of another,
We create.

I do not want it to be so much “Want”
But it seems that is all I do nowadays.

Nothing I see is my own,
Nothing I make is my own.

What is Me?
What is You?

What is the difference?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgYnRh8ACGQ

Epiphany

“Don’t allow anybody to make you feel that you’re nobody. Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth, and always feel that your life has ultimate significance.” –Martin Luther King Jr.

Later in that same speech:
“You have a responsibility to seek to make your nation a better nation in which to live. You have a responsibility to seek to make life better for everybody. And so you must be involved in the struggle for freedom and justice.”

I’ve given up holding expectations.
To you or anyone else,
Over myself.
Perfection is not love.

I remember the taste of your love
It has remained with me for so long
I wish I had more, but it is all gone.
I can be sad over this empty pot,
Or I can make more

Revelation- I am my own person.
With my own loves.
With my own faults.
With my own significances.

Forget falling in love with you,
I have my own person to love now.
There hasn’t been love there for a very long time

Scared

We drove till we felt for certain our problems were behind us
There was a world created that night
Between only you and I.
I know now, because I didn’t before,
This was fate we tasted

Later,
When time overwhelms our bodies,
Our friendship,
I will look back to that night.

I beg you to stay,
But staying creates commitment
And commitment is
Lightening
Fear.

The city lights consume your blank face,
Hues of yellow and red make you unearthly.
You’re not mine.

I have the Right

Before I drifted off to sleep you came swimming to my mind. You do that a lot. But instead of inviting you into my thoughts, letting you dwell within me for another agonizing night, I told you no. The shock on your face broke every place in my heart. I didn’t want to tell you no. But don’t you see, I had too. Then you drifted away from me and fell into another’s arms. This was the hardest to see. I turned away, completely shattered, but not dying.

This is where I realized that I have the right. I possess within me every right to control you just as much as you control me. I hope that you can see with crystal clarity that a boundary line has been drawn the second you took her hand. I can no longer let you in. You said no first and therefore, I can deny you too.

I will do this with the utmost love and respect for you. I will always care for you, there is no denying that. One cannot fall out of love. I will be gentle. But know from this point forward it is always going to be completely different.

O Soul

Why are you so downcast o my soul?

What ails you, beautiful thing?

Why do you churn within me?

Silence now, o soul.

I do not understand.

Why are you so broken o my soul?

What has happened, lovely presence?

Why do you shatter now?

Do not hurt any longer, o soul.

Your suffering is not permanent.

Why are you searching o my soul?

What do you ache for, sweet soul?

Why do you long?

Stop looking, o soul.

It will find you.

Read this, just once

Hey Old Friend. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? What I love about you is that we can pick up exactly where we left off. Things have changed a whole lot. Do you recognize me?

Just once I wish you would look at this. Just once. I want you to see my heart. This is my heart on the page. I want you to see with your own eyes what you have done to me. See how much I loved you and then how much you hurt me. I want you to see who I really am.

I see you doing amazing things, finding love, being comfortable. I want to say that I am a bigger person, that I am genuinely happy for you, but not yet. I still have to remind myself to breathe from time to time when I think about you. I feel the world around me (you) set on fast forward and I am cemented to the ground. All I can do is watch the world turn around me. When you left me luckily you left me a chisel so I can have a chance. Slowly, I am chipping myself out. Slowly I am discovering what it means to step out on my own.

What I have learned for you: Love

What was taken from me because of you: Love

What I ache for from you constantly: Love

What I have to take for myself from this: Love

What I need so much more of in life: Love

What I want to give out more: Love

Promise me you won’t forget who I am forever. Promise me that we will be friends after this.

Promises have always been empty.